


Canon Connor calls a meeting

by WickedWon



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Guaranteed the dumbest thing you’ve read all day or your money back, Multi, Seriously stupid crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:20:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26684311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WickedWon/pseuds/WickedWon
Summary: Connor needs a goddamned vacation.
Relationships: Connor/Gavin Reed, Hank Anderson & Connor, Hank Anderson/Connor, Original Chloe | RT600/Elijah Kamski, Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 23
Kudos: 77





	Canon Connor calls a meeting

“I really appreciate everyone taking the time to be here, I know this was a last minute request,” Connor spoke from where he was standing in the center of Hank’s living room. 

Hank sat on his favorite end of the couch, beer in hand on the armrest, nibbling away mindlessly at the bag of Funyuns by his side. Gavin was at the opposite end, legs dangling over the arm of the large sofa while the rest of him lay on his back sprawled across Nines, who sat in the middle. Nines idly toyed with Gavin’s hair while they patiently awaited Connor’s message. 

Kamski owned the love seat with an _almost_ forced confidence while Chloe was the picture of class by his side. Perkins glared at all of them from the chair at the other side of the room, and Sumo snored happily from the dog bed in the corner.

“Ok, so,” Connor continued, “This thing blew up and we’ve loved every minute of it. There’s been countless highs and lows, creative situations we’ve been thrown into. It’s been a blast watching what people can come up with to—“

“What are you talking about?” Hank interrupted around a crunchy bite.

“The fandom, Hank.”

Hank’s head tilted like a dog, “What the hell is a fandom?” Kamski rolled his eyes while he and Gavin made almost identical snort laughs. “What?” Hank grumbled, “Some of us have lives and don’t keep up with this internet shit, ya know.”

Connor calmly provided, “It's the collective of people who love us, Hank.”

“Aww, well that’s sweet,” Hank smiled, chipper. 

“Indeed,” Connor replied, “and it’s amazing, though it is a wild ride out there. We’ve all been everything under the sun.”

“I like the mermaids” Nines chimed in with a grin. 

“ _Mermaids_?” Gavin snorted a patronizing laugh, “That’s so fucking gay.” Nines flicked his crotch, hard enough that Gavin doubled over with a wheeze, nearly falling off the couch. Elijah blurted a loud laugh before Chloe shot him a look, shutting him up immediately.

“Thank you, Nines,” Connor continued. “Anyway, it’s been great! But it’s been...a lot. And especially ever since you two have become such a popular item,” he pointed at Nines and Gavin, who was still recovering his ability to breathe. “In every one of these fics, my character needs a fucking vacation. And I realized, while I was reading a great one where we’re all gangsters, that it—“

“ _Gangsters?_ ” Hank interrupted again, intrigued.

“Yes. Maybe mobsters, more accurately? We’ve been everything, Hank. Knights, space travelers, Vampires, College kids, Gods,” Elijah brushed his nails against his shirt at that one, “… sky’s the limit.” 

“Weird. What do we do as these things?” Hank asked, taking a sip of his beer.

“Well mostly, we fuck.”

A half-swallow of Hank’s beer erupted from his mouth in a burst of mist. “Pardon me, we _what_?” 

An approving, “Hellll yeeeah,” came from Gavin, now that he was able to breathe normally. He’d resumed his previous spot lying across Nines (holding his legs significantly closer this time). 

Connor sighed. “Yes, all of us have at some point been with every other person in this room.”

“Or multiples at once,” Nines replied factually, turning toward Hank. “You really should spend more time online.” 

“Like, the two of you together?” Hank waved his beer between Connor and Nines. Nines winked shamelessly at Connor, who blushed, and Hank shook his head in disbelief. ”Wait, wait, you’re telling me people have written stores where I’ve fucked _Reed_?” 

Gavin’s head was right beside Hank’s leg and he smirked up at the older man, winking. “‘Sup...” 

Hank scratched his fingers through his own beard, wrapping his mind around the information. Perkins spoke up from his seat. “Uh, why am I here?”

“We’ll get to that,” Connor replied, waving him off. “Anyway, so, we’ve all done countless things with, without… and _to_ one-another. And as I was saying, I‘ve come to realize that my life has become too much like these fics. I—“

Unapologetically talking over Connor, Gavin asked, “Has there ever been a fic where I’m with Chloe?” 

Connor’s head tilted in thought. “Hmm, I don’t actually know.. I’ve mostly seen Chloe topping Elijah,” he admitted with a bit of hesitation. Chloe and Elijah looked at one another momentarily before both shrugging with mutual acceptance. 

“Wait, Hank and I too?” Elijah asked with genuine curiosity. 

“I don’t… Can we please? Seriously?” Connor chastised. Everyone fell quiet, Gavin struggled to silently chew the Funyuns Hank had started feeding him. “This, this right here is exactly what I’m referring to. Guys, I need a goddamned vacation.”

The room was silent for several moments. Everyone kinda shifted uncomfortably. Nines finally asked “...Sooo....where are we going to vacation?”

Kamski tilted his head, probably questioning Nines’ programming. “Uh, I don’t think he means a group event.”

Snickering, Hank set his beer down after taking a sip. “This is Connor. He’s not going on a vacation _alone._ ”

All heads turned expectantly to Connor. He sighed. “Well yeah, what the hell would I do on a vacation alone? That’s why you’re all here, so we can figure out where to go. I’ve always wanted to go to Russia, but too many people there would recognize us, so we need another option.”

Perkins crossed his arms. “You want me to come on a _vacation_ with you?”

Connor half-turned to face him. “Well no, not you.”

Exasperated, he demanded, “Then why the hell am I here?”

“Oh. Yeah, sorry,” Connor shrugged, “I just wanted the opportunity to tell you to go fuck yourself.”

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
